quick right turn...

The events of my life have been rather peculiar lately. Not in a negative way or anything....just, in a..."wow, i never expected THAT" kinda way! I think i'm navigating the rough waters well, considering.

But it's definitely a big thing to comprehend when your life takes a turn down a road which you thought was a dead-end. Suddenly, there's a road there. And not just ANY road...but a road you're hungry, & excited, to explore! It's kind of baffling. Kind of scary.....and kinda really a lot to process. But, im big on gut feelings, and i trust what i'm feeling...however big and scary it may be ;)

everything happens for a reason, i'm a firm believer....and i will wait patiently with open arms until its my time to shine! <3

FULL CIRCLE

Today, May 26th, 2011 has been a good day....a real good day. It started off a little rough, but redeemed itself wholeheartedly by the end <3

I got the chance to come full circle today....i made amends, and cleansed my karma. It felt{/feels} so great! So light and airy...im def breathing easier. Okay....so here's the back-story....

The other day {out of nowhere} i felt pulled to......hmm, 'right a wrong', let's say. So, i scrounged up my big balls, took the 1st step....and reached out to a very big part of my past, a person integral in the sculpting of me {the REAL me}. I knew i had been vengeful, and purposefully spiteful in recent months, and i played power games simply for the ihavepoweroveryou aspect, which is NEVER acceptable. And i still had something of hers too, a Mac computer.....so i knew i had to give it back and clear the air. So, i texted her....and to my surprise, it went better than i thought it would've. Anyways, that's the gist of it.

So today she came over for dinner, and our other 2 friends came too. We went outside to talk alone....and I looked her right in the face, straight in her eyes and explained that, yes...i know i was purposefully hurtful towards her. And, yes.....i played power games simply cause i COULD, cause i had that power...and that i was sorry.

and, you know.....i think that was a necessary step on the path to my future. I feel a weight lifted...and we both expressed that we're 2 totally diff people now than we were years ago...when we'd go round and round, on and off, up and down, all crazy-like! I believe we're both over it {all the hurt from the past} and that we'll both be able to be mature adults and build a solid friendship now. I hope that's how it works out, cause i had kinda missed her freakin funny ass....and she WAS an integral part of making me who i am today. She deserves to see the real, cool, down-to-earth me...the ME of present day....since she put up with the looney-tune-me for so many years. So....def feeling real good right about now. :) At peace, and optimistic for the rest of the opportunities/lessons that are sure to come my way <3

Emotionality

Finding myself in a rather precarious situation these last few days....& particularly tonight i feel more emotional than usual. I think, perhaps, that i've flung open the door to Pandora's box....and in doing that....out came emotions/feelings/desires i hadnt entertained for some time now. Kind of made me feel a lil weak to be overcome with feelings/thoughts reminiscent of the past....so quickly.

But i think this is probably all happening for a reason....and i am purposefully having to confront these emotions right now. I dont like it. Its too much to process, all these up~and~down feelings...in rapid succession like this. ugh.

and now i honestly dont know which way is up. Fuck, man! One day at a time, i guess. Thats how i shall proceed....

And hopefully the payoff will come...after the clarity sets in. For both of us.

the Universe delivers...

New and exciting developments on the home front, y'all! The Universe is SO good....blessing me and providing me with the right things {& people} at the right times. It's so true that when you're not looking for something, it will inevitably fall right into your lap, when you're truly ready for it. Well, perhaps im approaching readiness... {an UBER exciting prospect}

Ill keep you posted.....

Until next time <3

1st night in MY NEW HOUSE!

So, today was moving day! Cinco de Mayo!! It actually went pretty smoothly...the movers were a few hours late, but...it worked to my advantage because i wasnt totally ready @ 9am when they were scheduled to be there anyways. Lol...the Fios guy got there at about 11:30, and he stayed till almost 7!! Had to move 3 out of my four jacks to diff walls, and hook up the internet and do the home phone...but he was cool! A totally dope cable guy! And the movers were cool too, younger guys but REAL efficient. Moving took from 1:05pm till 5:05, and was def quick and painless!

And right now....i sit here comfortably in my bed...and looks around this room , and take it all in! Breathe in the fresh, new-to-me air. Reveling in the gigantic size of this room...in the brightCRISPclearness of my tv&FIOS combo. I really am still in shock, I believe.

It all happened so fast. Closed LATE, late on friday...went to the bank sat morning and got a certified check, then overnighted it to the law firm in St Pete. Then went out of town from sat afternoon till monday evening. Came back late mon. night, worked tues...had cleaning party on tues night, finished cleaning Crenshaw and packing Duncan on wed, and moved thurs...and now, here i am!

A homeowner....a grateful, comfortable, appreciative, blessed, humble homeowner!An exhausted, delirious homeowner as well, but i just HAD to capture this night, this moment. Although im fairly positive i havent dine it justice because im literally deliriously loopy, lol....so, on that note....ill continue this tomorrow/ later today. <3

I am home....home sweet home! <3

tomorrow shall be a momentous occasion!

Tomorrow....is closing day. Tomorrow means the culmination of 8 of the most difficult, tumultuous, mentally/emotionally draining...yet strengthening months of my life. I'll be a homeowner.

Homeowner. The sound of it rings magically through the air...like a chorus of angels, a beautiful realization of the next chapter of my life.

i am so grateful! i am so blessed :)

i am SO excited!!!

::fingers crossed:: that it all comes together as planned!!

But....It will. I feel like it will!

I is for Integrity....

Integrity: adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.

What a great word....a virtue only some of us still maintain to this day, sadly. It is also defined as 'standing on moral high ground'. Which would be great if people knew what moral high ground was. Shit, if people even knew what MORALS were anymore. Such a sad reality, that nothing is sacred anymore. People barely have respect for authority, much less each other. (But, that's a whole 'nother blog! lol...)

I believe i've also seen it defined as 'doing whats right, especially when no one is watching'. And i think that's important because it means that you're doing things for the right reasons, for the mere sake of living {and doing} right! NOT for the recognition...for the pat-on-the-back of it. You actually hold yourself to some set of standards....unconditionally. And that, my friend, is respectable....

You should always strive to act & live with integrity. Its a small step towards living life RIGHT. Treating others well, and acting with respect and love for all things breeds plentiful goodness. Always act in a manner that is deserving of bountiful blessings. What you manifest, comes to you....so put the GOOD out there, and watch it come full circle.

confession...

okay, so i may have sort of willfully abandoned my a-z challenge. But, maybe not so much as abandoned it, as much as....extended the timeline of it, per say. Lol, i love the structure and guideline of a blog project like that, but whilst in the middle of such a huge, transformative process, it's hard to stay faithful to said daily topics. And then i found myself making myself FEEL bad about it, about not keeping up with it and being near the end of the alphabet already. Then i figured...wait, this blog is for FUN, for my own creativity and pleasure. It's not something to lay guilt on myself about, not in any way, shape or form.

So, i guess this is sort of an informative, explanatory post. To justify to myself, as well as to my readers....what my plan is and where my head has been! hahahaha....all OVER the damn place, that's where.

Still no set closing date, but at least its not going to get sold out from under me! The 21st came and went without incident, thankfully. The next deadline we're workin with is May 2nd, when the contract expires. So...i'll keep you posted.... <3 Until then...

10 hours of bliss

Today, my dad and i worked on Crenshaw all day! A full 10 hours...it felt GREAT! Him and our GC friend Thomas fixed the rotten wood on the front porch, while i cleaned the kitchen/common areas inside. Then, my dad and i shared the pressure washing responsibilities.....front-face of house, porch, banisters, bricks and sidewalk. It looks like a brand new house now, i swear its crazy how doing just a little bit can make it look a whole lot better! :)

It was an interesting day, for sure. I spent a lot of time inside by myself, cleaning. Thinking...reflecting...releasing. Pondering this move, this next chapter. Picturing where i want to put things, and figuring out which DIY projects i want to tackle first!! I made lists upon lists! Our project list, our tools/things needed list, a 'things to check into' list....general to-do lists. i'm all LISTED up now! lol. But i also got a chance to meet and talk with almost ALL of my amazing new neighbors.

And i can just FEEL that THIS is my just reward. This life im about to embark on....is going to be better than i ever imagined it could be!!!

H is for Honesty....

Honesty: Being truthful, sincere, open, and genuine. The confidence to be ourselves. sincere; not lying or cheating.

Honesty is an integral part of ANY relationship; be it friendship, family, or a love relationship. Honesty is the foundation that your credibility rests on, it's what solidifies your integrity. It is ultimately the tie that binds when establishing trust, and reliability, between two people.

I've found over the years that it's always better to just BE HONEST ALWAYS. Tell the truth from the get-go....that way you never get bit in the ass by the lies. {sn: i used to have a problem w/pathological lying back in college...i'll touch on that lesson another day} haha..

So....summary - Live right, do good always, treat others how YOU want to be treated....and ...you ready, wait for it...waaaiiiit for itttt....BE HONEST ALWAYS!

Always. For your sanity, for your integrity, for your credibility....and for those you care about in live. Speak truth always <3