precipice (ˈprɛsɪpɪs)
— n
1. a. the steep sheer face of a cliff or crag
b. the cliff or crag itself
2. a precarious situation
At the precipice. THAT is where I'm standing. Teetering on the edge.....peering over the side...wavering between the comfort I've known for years...and the change, and NEWNESS that is before me. I don't like wavering....undulating back and forth in uncertainty. I don't like rapid movement and change.
I like SOLID GROUND. Surety....answers and reasons, not ambiguity and unfamiliarity. I think that's why I'm struggling so much with this....this departure...this letting go of what has been, to welcome, and allow for what is to come, I'm so comfortable at my job....I've been there forEVER, it seems. I could do it backwards and forward with my eyes closed.
But....that's just it...It's not a challenge anymore. And I'm not using my abilities/talents/TRUE knowledge....I'm just, hmmm...I guess you could say I've gotten complacent. And, I need to be challenged...in life, in work...I need cultivation...stimulation...challenges! I like problem-solving...AND, I'm an eternal optimist...so I can see the silver lining in almost every situation. And bearing those qualities equipped & facilitated me well in life. So that's why I'm saying this....out loud to myself as I'm writing it, and in my head as well. To reiterate that although I'm sad to be leaving a network of people who've been family/friends to me through 5 of the most vital and life-changing years in my life, I'm also moving into the next chapter and finally challenging/testing/proving myself in a new and different realm. Which is EXCITING, it's hella exciting! So idk wtf I'm being such a big baby about...this is new and fitting for where I'm at in life, so I'm just gonna try and go with it.
The people who are meant to join me in the next chapter, will! And in the meantime, I work on cultivating ME. THis was it...the last big change that I had committed to doing for myself. First it was getting the house...moving on uuuuup, from Duncan to Crenshaw; then it was unexpectedly losing multiple 'supposed life-long friends', letting go of certain "circles"/the scene....and creating for myself a new and different dynamic of friends....on that ADULT tip!! I ended up in a PERFECT neighborhood, with better-than-you-could-ever-ASK-for neighbors, who are SO cool & genuine people too {which is RARE nowadays - to say the least} And now I've finally left the job that I had gotten so comfortable at...onto something that's more my passion. And I can start off with a clean slate and stay organized from the get-go and finally prove what I can REALLY do....the depth of what I'm truly capable of ;) and, that def feels good! So, I'm changing my perspective...I won't be sad and mourn leaving Everest...I'll leave happy, looking and feeling GREAT! Im gonna Have MUCHO fun tomorrow night with the peeps I love @ Tally Ho's.... it's gonna be aaaalllllllll GOOD :)
{sn - I'm SO glad I was able to FINALLY get on Blogger and write and work through my feelings about this bittersweet crossroads I'm at...I feel better just having gotten it all out and making some sense of my feelings} <3
