My time to shine....

I have been told that i should....and asked if i would....write more....

As a writer, these compliments are immense. Life-changing, really. The love, support and appreciation that i have received over these past few weeks, has served to cultivate me more as a writer.

Has made me want to excel even more...and concoct such amazingly complex imagery and advanced articulation for my readers. To weave stories and scenarios, vividly throughout their brain.

To have a voice...a voice that you feel needs to be heard. And to vocalize your thoughts...in parameters, and prose, with precise placement...and then to have your voice appreciated and supported..... gloriousness. Sheer joy and elation.                                      {and i thank you}

Because that gives purpose to my journey....it gives meaning to the stories i have to tell and the words i have to say. It gives me a platform to explore who i am as a writer, and allows me to solidify my craft.

 I've always had words to say. I've always had a way with words.

A love affair, really. I'm obsessed with verbiage, articulation, and diction. To me....the more specific and fitting word choice you can employ, the more relatable and vivid you can make your writing...your imagery.

Because, really....what i do... is i paint a picture for you with my words...and you, as my reader...can follow along where i take you, and experience what i'm feeling at that very moment. That's the beauty of reading. Of reading and learning and cultivating your mind. I am this smart partly because i read A LOT growing up! Like, a book a day, total and complete book worm...biggest nerd EVER. But it gave me a worldly understanding of things. Then being a Literature major @ FSU, i had to learn about all different time periods, genres and styles of writing. So, needless to say...i am a HUGE advocate for reading, learning and constantly yearning to know MORE.

At this point, i'm not sure what my point originally was, but i know i intended on writing this blog as a thank you. To those people who've supported me and shared their thoughts in a respectful and appreciative manner. For you guys, i'm thankful. 

Wildly undulating....

Wildly undulating
fluid as my sexuality....

ebb and flow...
my emotions
take hold of me.


making a mess
of that which i had just
made sense of.


pulling to the surface
past pains, regrets...
lessons learned 
things i had wanted
to forget.


muddled up in uncertainty now
it was all just so clear and calm...
i yearn for that peacefulness
yet again.


In time, after my lessons
have been learned....
my scars, & strength earned....
only then will it all
make real sense again.

Random ramblings

A plethora of emotions are bubbling under the surface today. Lots of  monumental changes, unanswered questions....unchecked feelings. And thus, i figured....where else to sort it all out, but my trusty ole blog {of whom i have MAJORLY been neglecting, as of late.}

Oh, where to start....

I guess i should start with what i just learned about a few days ago, and that's that my very 1st girlfriend ever {the one that i went thru hell & back with, and lived on the streets with} is dying....at only 26 years old. Granted, it's at her own hands, in that it's due to stupid decisions on her part, but still.....it's kind of weighing heavy on me, the thought of her losing her life so young. The poor girl never had a chance. Stemming from 2 drug addict parents, and given the life she knew growing up...all odds were stacked against her. I'm torn because i don't know if i should go see her....she's got MRSA, and a blood infection, lesions on her liver from extensive {intravenous} drug use....so part of me feels like it's better to stay away. But another part of me feels pulled to go see her, esp if this is it for her. This girl showed me a side of life i'd have NEVER experienced, were it not for her...even if it WAS a rather seedy side. Growing up very upper-middle class, to live on the street and have to hustle to make ends meet was a struggle i'd never known. But i must say that she always made sure we had shelter, and food to eat daily....even when we DID have to hustle. So its a complex scenario to say the least. One that I've yet to fully dissect and make sense of.

Then there's that ONE ex...the one that broke you and shook your world upside down. Yeah, for me that was Tina. We went round and round for years, i can almost fully credit her for the strong woman i am today, thanks to all the bullshit she put me through. Well, her and i are once again friends, which is cool. I totally wish her the best in life, but she's now {as of a day ago} with the bitch she cheated with me on back in the day. The one who she SWORE nothing was happening with, and that I was just crazy & imagining things. All in all it just makes me super duper grateful that i got away from that lesbo scene when i did. My life has never been better, or more drama-free. Its refreshing. BUT, all in all....emotionally unsettling scenarios with 2 of my most monumental ex's, on the eve of my most emotional week of the month. Yeah....annoyingness to the extreme.

Fast forward to the here & now....I feel like its dually a burden & a blessing to have the huge heart that i do, and to be so passionate about things that i have NO PROBLEM completely diving in head first. I need to learn to protect it more {said heart} and not offer it up so damn quick. Too easy to trust....too quickly hurt, always.

Story of my life. Luckily....resilient is my middle name. 

Poetic Prowess

Our souls have danced....

....in the decades of years past.

your inner beauty & sheer BEING

blends with mine perfectly,

and i instantly

feel at home.

I've known you before...

there's a familiarity

once-lived... remembered vividly

enacted perfectly, in the

HERE, and now.

...the world works in wondrous ways...

untangling an intertwined

history, of times

intangibly perfect.

with you i feel safe,

happy and complete

you set my soul at ease

while cultivating my poetic prowess

never known bliss….such as this....