reality check

The events of today hit me like a ton of bricks....out of nowhere, drastic and major...it knocked the breath right out of me. I believe i'm still reeling from it. But what i've come to learn lately is that this is a time of endings, and a time of beginnings. That those who you thought would ALWAYS be around, may not be destined to be in the picture forever. That those friends who you'd characterize as 'lifetime' friends in the blink of an eye.....would horrifyingly turn into mere 'season' friends....making their way out of your life once serving their purpose.

Nothing is certain in life but death, taxes and change. Those things you can pretty much BANK on. And while i pick up the pieces, wash the salt out of my wounds, and remove the knife dually from my back, and my heart...i'll never again be the same. I'll never put myself out there to help another person {to my own detriment} again. I'll never open my home to someone who can't contribute mentally, emotionally, physically, and financially.

I always want to help/fix/save everyone. THAT'S NOT MY JOB. I've got to take care of and support ME. Cause damn sure aint NONE of these people gonna do it for me! I'm done carrying others. I'm over trying to help, and getting berated and shitted on. Yeah i have high standards....but look at the quality of life i provide for myself! Look at how i live....THAT'S what having high standards gets me. A quality life.

I'm realizing more and more that it really IS all about quality, and not quantity. {As far as friends go, anyways}

A true friend is there for you in your darkest hour, no questions asked.

A real friend realizes and appreciates what you do to help them.

A genuine person doesn't want to inflict more stress/burden/hurt on you than the world and its circumstances already do on their own!

These are all realizations i've arrived at recently. Well....i don't know if i'd say 'arrived at', {in such a laid-back, caj fashion} as much as i'd say i was rudely and abruptly thrown at the feet of. And as i looked up at the dark, towering, ominous realizations....i felt the cold slap to my face....::SLAAAAAP::

Reality check.

Just like that.....