The last few months have been really hard for me. I haven't really been able to pinpoint WHAT exactly it is that's been plaguing me, but I've known, without a doubt....that something has been off.
I've always had a lot of energy, all my life. I'm a go-getter. And I'm OCD, so i keep my house pristine, and stay on top of my chores, laundry, cleaning ALL the time. In the past few months, it's been increasingly difficult for me to be productive around the house, even when i drink a 5-hour energy or a Starbucks double-shot. I feel very lethargic, and ambivalent, even. I just don't have the energy to feel bad about it, and i definitely don't have the energy to do anything about it. It's odd. I usually rationalize my way out of it, mentally...but that's just my means for justification, and my avenue to peace of mind.
I've also been working really hard at eating right and working out lately. Like, applying myself, and trying harder than EVER before in my life! But, I've literally lost less than 5 pounds over a 2 1/2 month period. Basically....I'm trying harder than ever, and having less results than ever. And its making me feel crazy. It fucks with my head....i KNOW i'm doing everything i'm supposed to be doing. My body is not responding.
My body is pretty much making me a prisoner. I'm trying to better myself, and i'm met with resistance. I give it my heart and soul, yet....don't see a damn bit of results. It's infuriating. And disheartening. So, after speaking to friends and family, and doing research online....i decided to ask my doctor if she could do tests for a thyroid problem. On Thursday i went in for a full panel of blood work, plus 3 additional thyroid tests {TSH, T3, & T4}. It may not be anything...this may all be a coincident. But, at least the blood work will tell me for sure.
But, these past few months...now that i look back and connect the dots.....these past few months have been difficult because I've been depressed, inexplicably {because, my life is GOOD. I'm super blessed} . I've had zero energy, zero luck with my eating right/exercising endeavors....and, in effect, it's caused my self-esteem to falter. I feel fat and disgusting right now. My clothes don't fit right, and i only have ONE bra big enough for me now. I look in the mirror, naked...and i'm disgusted. I'm disappointed. I'ts all negative....
So, i'm very excited to finally have some answers To be able to get some treatment, and assistance with what I've been going through. The ambiguity of it all has been the hardest part. And, GOD BLESS my boyfriend for putting up with me and helping me make sense of the mood swings, feelings, and lessons. Overall, i'm incredibly blessed & happy. I just....i don't feel right, in my body right now.
But, Next week we'll know for sure :)
I've always had a lot of energy, all my life. I'm a go-getter. And I'm OCD, so i keep my house pristine, and stay on top of my chores, laundry, cleaning ALL the time. In the past few months, it's been increasingly difficult for me to be productive around the house, even when i drink a 5-hour energy or a Starbucks double-shot. I feel very lethargic, and ambivalent, even. I just don't have the energy to feel bad about it, and i definitely don't have the energy to do anything about it. It's odd. I usually rationalize my way out of it, mentally...but that's just my means for justification, and my avenue to peace of mind.
I've also been working really hard at eating right and working out lately. Like, applying myself, and trying harder than EVER before in my life! But, I've literally lost less than 5 pounds over a 2 1/2 month period. Basically....I'm trying harder than ever, and having less results than ever. And its making me feel crazy. It fucks with my head....i KNOW i'm doing everything i'm supposed to be doing. My body is not responding.
My body is pretty much making me a prisoner. I'm trying to better myself, and i'm met with resistance. I give it my heart and soul, yet....don't see a damn bit of results. It's infuriating. And disheartening. So, after speaking to friends and family, and doing research online....i decided to ask my doctor if she could do tests for a thyroid problem. On Thursday i went in for a full panel of blood work, plus 3 additional thyroid tests {TSH, T3, & T4}. It may not be anything...this may all be a coincident. But, at least the blood work will tell me for sure.
But, these past few months...now that i look back and connect the dots.....these past few months have been difficult because I've been depressed, inexplicably {because, my life is GOOD. I'm super blessed} . I've had zero energy, zero luck with my eating right/exercising endeavors....and, in effect, it's caused my self-esteem to falter. I feel fat and disgusting right now. My clothes don't fit right, and i only have ONE bra big enough for me now. I look in the mirror, naked...and i'm disgusted. I'm disappointed. I'ts all negative....
So, i'm very excited to finally have some answers To be able to get some treatment, and assistance with what I've been going through. The ambiguity of it all has been the hardest part. And, GOD BLESS my boyfriend for putting up with me and helping me make sense of the mood swings, feelings, and lessons. Overall, i'm incredibly blessed & happy. I just....i don't feel right, in my body right now.
But, Next week we'll know for sure :)
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