A plethora of emotions are bubbling under the surface today. Lots of monumental changes, unanswered questions....unchecked feelings. And thus, i figured....where else to sort it all out, but my trusty ole blog {of whom i have MAJORLY been neglecting, as of late.}
Oh, where to start....
I guess i should start with what i just learned about a few days ago, and that's that my very 1st girlfriend ever {the one that i went thru hell & back with, and lived on the streets with} is dying....at only 26 years old. Granted, it's at her own hands, in that it's due to stupid decisions on her part, but still.....it's kind of weighing heavy on me, the thought of her losing her life so young. The poor girl never had a chance. Stemming from 2 drug addict parents, and given the life she knew growing up...all odds were stacked against her. I'm torn because i don't know if i should go see her....she's got MRSA, and a blood infection, lesions on her liver from extensive {intravenous} drug use....so part of me feels like it's better to stay away. But another part of me feels pulled to go see her, esp if this is it for her. This girl showed me a side of life i'd have NEVER experienced, were it not for her...even if it WAS a rather seedy side. Growing up very upper-middle class, to live on the street and have to hustle to make ends meet was a struggle i'd never known. But i must say that she always made sure we had shelter, and food to eat daily....even when we DID have to hustle. So its a complex scenario to say the least. One that I've yet to fully dissect and make sense of.
Then there's that ONE ex...the one that broke you and shook your world upside down. Yeah, for me that was Tina. We went round and round for years, i can almost fully credit her for the strong woman i am today, thanks to all the bullshit she put me through. Well, her and i are once again friends, which is cool. I totally wish her the best in life, but she's now {as of a day ago} with the bitch she cheated with me on back in the day. The one who she SWORE nothing was happening with, and that I was just crazy & imagining things. All in all it just makes me super duper grateful that i got away from that lesbo scene when i did. My life has never been better, or more drama-free. Its refreshing. BUT, all in all....emotionally unsettling scenarios with 2 of my most monumental ex's, on the eve of my most emotional week of the month. Yeah....annoyingness to the extreme.
Fast forward to the here & now....I feel like its dually a burden & a blessing to have the huge heart that i do, and to be so passionate about things that i have NO PROBLEM completely diving in head first. I need to learn to protect it more {said heart} and not offer it up so damn quick. Too easy to trust....too quickly hurt, always.
Story of my life. Luckily....resilient is my middle name.
Oh, where to start....
I guess i should start with what i just learned about a few days ago, and that's that my very 1st girlfriend ever {the one that i went thru hell & back with, and lived on the streets with} is dying....at only 26 years old. Granted, it's at her own hands, in that it's due to stupid decisions on her part, but still.....it's kind of weighing heavy on me, the thought of her losing her life so young. The poor girl never had a chance. Stemming from 2 drug addict parents, and given the life she knew growing up...all odds were stacked against her. I'm torn because i don't know if i should go see her....she's got MRSA, and a blood infection, lesions on her liver from extensive {intravenous} drug use....so part of me feels like it's better to stay away. But another part of me feels pulled to go see her, esp if this is it for her. This girl showed me a side of life i'd have NEVER experienced, were it not for her...even if it WAS a rather seedy side. Growing up very upper-middle class, to live on the street and have to hustle to make ends meet was a struggle i'd never known. But i must say that she always made sure we had shelter, and food to eat daily....even when we DID have to hustle. So its a complex scenario to say the least. One that I've yet to fully dissect and make sense of.
Then there's that ONE ex...the one that broke you and shook your world upside down. Yeah, for me that was Tina. We went round and round for years, i can almost fully credit her for the strong woman i am today, thanks to all the bullshit she put me through. Well, her and i are once again friends, which is cool. I totally wish her the best in life, but she's now {as of a day ago} with the bitch she cheated with me on back in the day. The one who she SWORE nothing was happening with, and that I was just crazy & imagining things. All in all it just makes me super duper grateful that i got away from that lesbo scene when i did. My life has never been better, or more drama-free. Its refreshing. BUT, all in all....emotionally unsettling scenarios with 2 of my most monumental ex's, on the eve of my most emotional week of the month. Yeah....annoyingness to the extreme.
Fast forward to the here & now....I feel like its dually a burden & a blessing to have the huge heart that i do, and to be so passionate about things that i have NO PROBLEM completely diving in head first. I need to learn to protect it more {said heart} and not offer it up so damn quick. Too easy to trust....too quickly hurt, always.
Story of my life. Luckily....resilient is my middle name.
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