Who are you

Who are you?

Are you really the person
That I once knew?

Was that person {I thought I knew}
Really even you?!

A glimmer of a side
At one-time seen

Now an ugly reality
In harsh light, beams.

Words & actions
At odds with one another

Such a beautiful mirage
I had one time discovered…

Only to remain
Remnants of a ghost
In my brain.

digital disconnect

inundation of an intellectual persuasion
each day, all day...we are
force-fed information.

take it in, let some go....
what do you engage in?

it's all up to you,
depending on what it is...
that is your infatuation.

what is this society,
that we now dwell in?

an approval-based, surface-world
where the number of followers you have
directly equates to how important you are
in the genetic make-up of society?

a world where we are so
deeply entangled and entrenched in....
.... voyeurism and watching others' lives
...fall apart.

No one wants to focus inward,
to consult their own darkest demons
and contemplate their deepest fears.

No...no, no, no....we live off, LIVING OFF
other people...
other people's happiness, their struggles
their hurt, pain and tears...

we'd rather watch
"reality television", which should
{more accurately be called "surreal life"}
because that's not REALITY, we're taking in...
that's the Real Housewives of whichever County,
or some other pseudo-reality nonsense...

it's an odd turn of events, to me...
..nowadays people don't truly engage with each other
they safely observe and evaluate from a distance.

No phone calls, just texts...
no letters, just "like"s and 'favorite's.
no personal touch or hug...
just a digital high-five, or
happenstance...a detached
"i see you there"
"i like that thought"
"i give you my social-media following"
and whatever other unspoken, inherently understood
social-networking nod is necessary at the given moment.

it's all so crazy, so cold and technical...
so detached,
this digital disconnect.

Meet me in my dreams...

Somewhere, hidden behind time
the lines unfold....expand
and intertwine.

clarity comes into focus
the questions, unanswered...
....laid to rest.

you just, let it go.

no sense to make of it,
you just KNOW
it was the best thing
you've ever, been a part of.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meet me in my dreams
where the fantasy continues...

and the gleam
of unadulterated happiness
can never be snuffed out.

you will always remain
the best part of what maintained,
the most beauty & wonder
my life..EVER did contain.

a beautiful mirage...
i almost had within grasp
only to vanish, leaving a barrage
of questions in its wake.

questions....never to be met
with answers....

....only to be appreciated,
for what it taught me.

Illuminated wonder...

The moon spoke to me tonight... in all of its
....illuminated wonder.
I drove under its majestic brightness
following like the North Star, it’s guiding light.

Brilliantly filling up the night sky,
It showed me what’s right…..
assured me, all is well in my life.

“Do not fret, my child”
It whispered sweetly...
“All is well in the world; just have faith &….trust it”
{So much easier said, than done}

I feel, the only way to work through emotions
Is to WADE in them.
Drown in them, for a while.
Feel and face them…
So as to work PAST & through them.

Each trial and tribulation…
Builds character and strength.
Each heartbreak,
reminds you you’re ALIVE.

Breathe it in…
The hurt, pain, & happiness,
The memories, the lessons….
The times cherished, always.
The feelings felt, for the 1st time ever….

I was alive.
In that moment, I was incredibly alive
& the world was a beautiful place.

I will cherish it always,
That snippet in time.
That beautiful chaos….
which turned my world upside down.
That lit my soul absolutely on fire…
And turned my mind on multifacetedly.

I will cherish it always...

my heart hurts.

My heart hurts, right now
Literally, aches with pain.
The heaviness in my chest,
makes it laborious to breathe.

Sadness is a giant hand
Squeezing tightly, the circumference of my heart.
Suffocating its regular, healthy beat
Stifling its natural yearn to expand, grow and thrive.

Keeping me held down in darkness…
Lost amongst the sadness,
Drowning in questions and aggravations.
What-if’s and how-come’s….the reality of it all
Still entirely baffling to me.

Knocking the wind right out of me…
Blacking the eye of my soul,
breaking my heart,
leaving me Battered, torn and broken.
In pieces on the floor.

Grasping to be whole again
Reaching, to understand
trying, to make sense
Not understanding why.

Am I being punished?
Is this my karmic reward?
For striving so hard,
To live right all the time…
From being shown something so incredibly amazing
To having it ripped from my hands, in
The blink of an eye?
WHY?
A MILLION TIMES, I ASK
WHY??????

Infinitely Interesting

This new fascination
consumes my mind.

this beautiful thing
I've been blessed with

this person, that i find
infinitely interesting...

this dynamic which is
otherworldly, exotic and rare.

my thoughts run to him
constantly.

My mind stays
consumed,
with ALL aspects of him...
his brilliant mind
his perfect humor
his always-right words
the look in his eyes when he stares at me,
the way his hands feel on me....
the manner in which energy is
*exchanged*, when he touches me.

It's electric, palpable...like nothing
I've EVER experienced.

a smile creeps on my face
at the 1st thought of him,
at the 1st glance at words he's said to me
such perfect, eloquent words.

such an incredibly fulfilling dynamic,
being made to feel genuinely
beautiful & appreciated, all the time.

I am so glad i found this. <3

the day my life was forever changed - 3.28.12

Today is a day that will go down in the history books. The history books of my life. Today solidified the culmination of 7 weeks of arduous work {well, today as in, 3/28...writing this 3/29}. Of continuous whittling down of resolve...of never losing momentum, or getting sidetracked from my goal. And....today, made it all worthwhile.

I've heard it for years, and never fully understood the scope of it. They say "when you know, you know", and when it's different, it's LEGIT different. As in, unlike anything you've ever experienced before - even remotely. It REALLY is different. It's perfectly fitting, it's effortless, it's intriguing...and exciting! It makes you feel alive, causes you to hunger/yearn for something, someone...the connection is unreal. And so enticing.

I'm so excited to embark on this journey, with such an amazing person by my side. As my beautiful teammate :) {or, Algirian ©, if you will}

"#FindSomeoneWho speaks the language of ur soul, understands the complexities of ur mind, & makes u want to be a better person." - me, tweeted 3/28/12 <3

whimsically delicious

life has a funny way of doing things,

a funny way of bringing you where you need to be

to allow for

what it is you deserve

to be revealed to you.


to condition you, and prepare you for

the next step that is to come.



Sometimes you meet someone that makes an impact.....someone that stirs your inner being. Someone that touches your soul, piques your interest, and intrigues you like no other. The fascination multiplies as you learn more, which in turn only makes you hungrier to...learn more. Insatiable. For this whimsically delicious thing that has presented itself. This too-good-to-be-true amazingness that you're soaking in....absorbing into your core, relishing in the realness. Overwhelming your senses and bringing forth an abundance of delight, and giddiness, and smiles, and butterflies.

It is an absolutely beautiful thing.

winds of change...

Breathe it in. Deeply inhale

let it out....

.....as smoke billows against, & around, the screen.

thoughts scramble

amidst my mind

this newfound sense of wonder, fascination

so utterly divine.


I feel my life about to change. i feel myself slipping into the next chapter...the new mindset. It's so very palpable, so real and identifiable.

I'm taking ownership of my life, taking charge of my health...dealing with my procrastinations and idiosyncrasies. Coming to terms with WHERE I'm supposed to BE in life.....and WHAT i'm supposed to *accomplish* in this life, {other than being a good person and living right daily.}

The winds of change have flirtingly doted on me, as of late. I feel pulled in certain directions, guided by strong intuitions...on a mission.

i feel like, i'm listening to my inner voice, finally. I'm finding dedication within, and strength i never knew i possessed. I'm up to the challenge of taking charge of my destiny, my future. I've always been one to methodically lay out my plan, and achieve my goals. So now, where i'm at right now...i just feel more secure in that, more sure of what i want. And, that - in itself - is super empowering. And that, to me, is what life is about...being empowered to live the life you've always dreamed of living

"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you."

"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you." - Maya Angelou

I came across this quote tonight and...it stopped me in my tracks. Not only did it stop me, but it INSPIRED me. It made me want to write. It set my mind in motion...and, that's a pretty powerful thing, seeing as how it is now Feb 14th, 2012...and this is thee 1st blog entry I've made in 2012.

Ask me why I've procrastinated...i cannot tell you. All i know is that nothing as of late has inspired me enough to take to this blog, and open my mouth and let my thoughts fly out, splashing unabashedly onto the empty canvas that is this blog. It's my blog, my words...displayed however i want them to be seen....and, the only thing that's roused the writer in me enough lately is, this quote. This amazing woman. The wise words of this incredible poet/writer/dreamer/thinker...Ms. Maya Angelou.

Now, the other quotes of hers that hit me tonight, i will touch on later. For now, i need to delve into this first one, this....stop-in-your tracks, thought-provoking quote.

"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you." It instantly made me feel like......'what untold story am i harboring, that I'm supposed to be telling..sharing! What is burdening or inhibiting me in my quest to make sense and enlighten? What do i need to get OUT....to deal with, and tell, and share?'

Hence, why i call this a thought-provoking question. Because it instantly set my mind aflutter...brought to the surface a plethora of questions, theories, and queries. Made me wonder...about my recent adventures, and about the lessons i've learned through them...the pain i've received at the hands of them...and how its all collaboratively brought me to where - and WHO - i am today. I am grateful for it all..but i feel like, there's a deeper meaning...a theme fulfilled, a lesson to be learned & shared. That is the path that I'm on, and i feel like the way to make sense of it all is to write more...think more...blog more. It WAS one of my New Years Resolutions, buuuuut...here's we are on month 2, day 14...and we're at...blog #1. Hahaha...i really do want to write more often. And about more pertinent/enlightening/ MOVING things.

So, i will strive for more frequency and better substance. Strive to attain as close to perfection as is humanly possible for me right now, at this point in my life. I'm still grasping to make sense of much of this journey....taking it one day at a time, relishing each day/opportunity. But i think writing more is definitely the key.

“This is my life. It is my one time to be me. I want to experience every good thing.” - Maya Angelou -
This is another quote that seemed particularly fitting for where i'm at in my life, currently. I want to enjoy this stage in my life...fully appreciate this time of exploration and freedom...to be liberated and to simply ENJOY all life has to offer.

“The idea is to write it so that people hear it and it slides through the brain and goes straight to the heart.” - Maya Angelou -
This....is how i want to write. Always. Period. Right thought the minds-eye, into the brain and straight to the heart. I want my writing to stir people's SOULS!!! To jolt them AWAKE & aware, to make them wonder...inquire...question.

To at least just START something into motion, in the minds and hearts of others. If i can do that, ultimately...then i have succeeded as a writer. To myself, anyways.

Which leads me to the last quote...and THIS is what i aspire to: “You can only become truly accomplished at something you love. Don't make money your goal. Instead, pursue the things you love doing, and then do them so well that people can't take their eyes off you.” - Maya Angelou

I intend to shine, through and through....taking whichever avenue, i am naturally led to. I intend to do BIG things in life overall. I want to make a difference, do something meaningful..live a good life and BE a good person. Those are my goals.